Friday 13 February 2015

Born of Empire by Simon Brown

Oh god, I just wasted two hours of my life.

I mean, I know for people who aren't speed readers it would be a few days so I'm lucky it was only two hours, but still I could have done something productive with that time. I could have worked on my novel...learned to crochet...baked a cake...

Anyway, since I already wasted those two hours, I might as well get a review out of it. 

Born of Empire by Simon Brown is awful. Just awful. 

I know I usually find something nice to say, and yes there are one or two good points, but this entire novel was just a mess from start to finish. I only finished reading it because no book has defeated me since Anna Karenina (and oneday I'm going to go back for a re-match and kick that skanky Russian bitch's ass) so no way was I letting this one get the better of me. 

The book's about... to be honest, I don't really remember. There's an empire, and an expedition that goes out to start a new colony, only there's politics and a lot of forgettable people plotting overly complex plots. It's like it was trying to be Game of Thrones, with only the vaguest idea of what Game of Thrones was about and characters so cardboard you really didn't care (or remember) when they died. 

No, seriously I don't remember. I can't name a single character or overarching theme. That's how interesting this book was, and how invested I was.

There was only one plot thread I managed to retain, and to Brown's credit, it was an intriguing concept. Basically the aristocracy can perform blood magic, but in order for it to work, they have to sacrifice something they love. The bigger the sacrifice, the more powerful the magic. So they keep kennels of animals and human slaves that they treat well and form strong relationships with, all so they have a supply of sacrifices on hand. The most interesting parts of the books were from the slaves' and slave-owners' perspectives, and the questions that were asked, like: what is love? If they only love me for a purpose, is that really love? Is the sacrifice worth it and in what circumstances? Honestly, I could have read a whole book focusing entirely on the relationship between the aristocracy and their slaves. 

But instead I got politics. Thanks. I really feel like I invested those two hours of my life wisely. 

On the bright side, I only spent a dollar on it... which probably should have been a warning. Crap. Here's some advice, kids; if the book is only a dollar and it's not at Bookfest, probability says it's not worth reading! Just ignore the quote on the Amazon website from Garth Nix; clearly Simon Brown has something on him, or else he's locked in a basement somewhere ala Misery. 

Born of Empire is a book aimed at adults but should not be read by anyone, unless you're planning to skim over most of the book and just focus on the antics of the nutty aristocracy and their someone-call-a-domestic-abuse-hotline slaves. I am saddened that my love of reading took me down this path, but I recall one of the few good quotes from this book: 

"Maddyn cleared his mind of the thought by reminding himself that all love entailed tragedy and there was no point in struggling against it." - Born of Empire